Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
now i know why i became what i already was.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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