My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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