i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
