if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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