Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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