Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
