i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
