I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
