sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
