Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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