so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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