smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
be right there i have to get my cape
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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