I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
