Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
