Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"