I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
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I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
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The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf