Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she told me i tasted like america
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Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
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What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?