thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
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He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
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life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter