What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I cut my penus on the lid.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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