Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
