Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
