Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
