we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
