so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
