i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just cut my nipple shaving
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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