come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
