I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
