Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
