He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
