Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
