Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
