I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
