i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
