thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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