Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You made out with two different species that night
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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