i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
