He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
