Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
