Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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