literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
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i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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