never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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