So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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