a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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