I need help removing her.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
