I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
