My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
