Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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