Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
