you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
