Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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