She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
