he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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