I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
