for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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