is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
