I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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