the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
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How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
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You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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