He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
