glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
