I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
