I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
