It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
