I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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