I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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