Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
