i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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