just come out here and I will go home with you...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
