I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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