I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
