I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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