You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
