Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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