Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
