Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Shame - the story of my life.
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